Backstage by Queennell
"When did you last change the strings on this, Clark?" Thomas was examining the bass that lay on the side. He placed the tuner carefully next to it and sat back down.
Clark looked up from the cooler that contained the remains of the rider. "You can change them?" He snapped open a bottle of European lager. A trail of drops speckled over Clark's t-shirt. He watched them soak into the material, feeling eyes running over him. Ethan was looking intensely in his direction. Or possibly staring into an interesting patch of air.
Thomas nodded. "It doesn't matter, not for tonight anyway. But make sure you, like, change them at some point."
The air in the converted bathroom that served as the dressing room was thick with alcohol, adrenaline and the smoke of a hundred cigarettes. Ethan hadn't spoken to anyone for about an hour. He'd mentioned something about 'creative focus' and 'emotional intensity' earlier in the day. It didn't much matter that he wasn't speaking. Everyone was startlingly aware that he was in the room. Brooding obtrusively was a skill that Ethan had elevated to levels beyond even Clark's reach.
Clark wondered exactly how many people would show up tonight. An intense scowl directed at the wall with the cracked vanity mirror (strung up with fairy-lights) revealed that the hall was about a third full. The DJ up in the booth, currently a blur of bones and metal clothes fittings to Clark's eyes, was bent double over his decks. The drum kit was a glowing confusion of struts and frames, with Charlie crouched in front of the bass drum, checking Astrid's pedals for the fiftieth time.
He turned round to speak to Thomas, but was interrupted by a blast of noise. Astrid stood in the wide-open doorway, Lex and Franny in tow. Astrid was relaxed - even with five minutes to go she was still wearing her mary-janes. With a flick of her hair she stepped down into the dressing room, ushering Lex and Franny along.
"How can you leave our groupies out by the bar?" she demanded, sounding perhaps a little intoxicated, "We only have three, surely there's room for these two!"
Lex edged away from her, into the corner where Clark was. Clark noticed that Ethan watched every move Lex made, taking in every ultra-real detail. He wished they could get on, but he'd settle for an uneasy truce. Clark couldn't figure out why these two guys who would have probably been fucking in another reality just couldn't see eye to eye.
As Clark whispered to Lex the noise from the hall grew louder, mixing with Astrid's laughter and the tortured twangs and whines of Thomas tuning the guitars. Ethan remained silent - it was starting to make Clark feel really uncomfortable.
The Scottish guy who had been ordering people about at sound check stuck his head around the door. Clark wondered if the accent was an affectation, lots of people on the scene were pretending to be someone they weren't. Ethan picked up his guitar, slung it round his shoulders and headed out of the dressing room like the rest of the band didn't even exist.
Lex raised an eyebrow at the singer, smirking to himself. Clark grabbed his bass, and went to kiss him. The instrument got in the way, and Clark contented himself with a clumsy brush of lips.
"Go on. You can't keep your public waiting."
Clark grinned and stepped out into the dark backstage corridor. He turned and hesitated, looking back as Lex helped himself to a beer. Lex smiled. "I'll be backstage, like I always am. Now get the fuck out there."
He did as he was told.
When he stepped out under the lights he didn't feel the usual sick grip of fear. The nerves were getting easier to handle with each gig he played, he guessed. He recalled the horrible hanging silence after he had first played in front of Ethan and how he couldn't read his expression at all.
He remembered there being same kind of silence, the same kind of nerves in those unbearably lengthened seconds after he had gone for broke and kissed Lex for the first time.
Sex and music were kind of similar, Clark mused as Ethan leaped onstage with a wild banshee wail.
It was important to do it with the right people.
05/05/03