He Loses the Game by Caro
He doesn't notice her until she slides into the seat next to him. Even then, it's a quick smile, a half-glance, and his attention is once again focused on the guys onstage. The bassist needs a haircut but Lex is getting used to that.
"You wouldn't make me resort to cheesy pick up lines, would you?" The voice is low and warm against his ear, and he has to look this time. Finds himself staring into sparkling eyes but it's too dark in the bar for him to tell what color they are.
She smiles and takes a drink from the glass in front of her, tongue circling the rim. She's beautiful, but the fact that she knows this doesn't detract from it at all.
"I would hate to inconvenience you like that," he replies before he even thinks. It's an easy game. One he hasn't played in a while but now that the words are on his tongue, he's remembering how to do this easily enough. Flirt. Make them want you. The fact that he's not really interested doesnŐt even enter into it.
He used to rule at this game. Was reigning champion before he'd settled down to just one boy and Friday nights where he's assigned to the barstools until it's time to go home.
It's not that he misses this. Not really. But it's like--it's like realizing that a forgotten limb still works, and the thrill of being able to use it surpasses the knowledge that he doesn't actually need to.
He's gotten used to being overlooked, blended into the shadows, even prefers it mostly. College bars where he's just the guy in the corner that came with the band, though no one would deign to call him a groupie to his face. And it's Clark's time to shine.
Clark shines with the band, with Thomas, and Astrid, and most of all, Ethan. That inner light that Lex first found, but now coaxes out just in time to perform.
Not that Lex is jealous.
Not that Lex would admit it.
He's restless tonight, without Charlie, without Franny, without the things that hold him to Clark's new life while Clark's out there, in the spotlight, and he thinks maybe he substituted alcohol for conversation for a little too long. By the look in her eyes, Lex knows she did too. This could only lead to bad places. And he's not thinking clearly enough to be able to push that line without consequences. But he does know he should stop.
"I'm with someone."
Her face flickers for just one second. Then she smiles, and says, "Me too. It doesn't have to mean anything tonight."
He swirls her words around in his brain, and he's not really considering them--not really, but when he feels the presence behind him, he feels guilty nonetheless.
"It does," he says, and then takes his beer, and turns around to hop off the bar stool, ignoring her as he wraps his arms around Clark.
"Friend of yours?" Clark whispers against his neck. His voice is a little grated and Lex wonders just how much he's overheard. Damn superhearing anyway.
"A passing acquaintance," he replies glibly. "Can we get out of here?"
"I still have to help them pack."
Lex nods. "I think I'll wait outside then. I need some air."
He doesn't wait for Clark to reply.
Outside, the night air feels cool against his skin after the smoke-filled bar. He leans back against a wall and tries to think. Inside, music is being pumped through the massive speakers, causing the walls to vibrate a little. The DJ has taken over now that the band has finished their set, but it seems like the night is ending early. Already, people are stumbling out of the bar.
Lex remembers when he used to never leave until dawn; the sun would already be creeping over the horizon, when he'd stumble out, usually not alone.
He's not alone now either so he doesn't know why he feels it. Clark might be inside. Might be with the band, and maybe he lingers back with Ethan too often, but he comes home with Lex.
"I'm ready." He hadn't heard Clark approach.
He fishes out his keys. "I'm too drunk. Can you drive?"
The ride home is quiet, tension thick in the two-seater and Lex has to open the windows just to breathe. He itches, feels like there's energy running just under his skin. In the elevator, he pushes Clark against the wall and kisses him.
"Someone get you all hot?" Clark grits out against his mouth, but Lex ignores him. Bites at his lower lip and presses himself against Clark. Clark's hard, and responsive, and sex has always easy between them. It's all the other things that get complicated.
By the time the elevator reaches the penthouse, he's already got Clark's shirt open, and is about two seconds away from falling onto his knees. But the ding lets them know they've arrived, and Clark pushes him away.
"There's cameras," he reminds Lex.
Lex blinks. He doesn't really care right now but he follows Clark anyway, watches as Clark throws his keys down on the coffee table and then Lex pulls him down onto the couch, on top of him. He kisses Clark, rubbing against him as he does. He wants it like this, wants it rushed like it used to be back home, when they'd only get a few minutes together and Clark would be ready to go from the moment they were alone. When everything was new and Clark was always surprised. Always his.
"I didn't know blondes were your thing," Clark says. He's not cooperating, not helping Lex take off his clothes.
"You're my thing," Lex says back automatically. His fingers work on the button to Clark's jeans, unzips them, pushes them down. He reaches into Clark's boxers and wraps his hand around Clark's cock.
"She was very pretty."
Clark needs to shut up. Lex ignores him and concentrates on his cock, on rubbing his thumb over the head and making Clark arch.
"Are you thinking about her right now?"
He stops. Pushes Clark off.
"What's wrong with you?" he asks, looking Clark in the eye.
"Nothing's wrong with me. I just don't like being a substitute," Clark snaps back.
"Excuse me." That feeling under his skin is tighter. "I didn't realize you were a substitute. I thought I was with my boyfriend."
"And you're not thinking about her?"
"I'm not." It's not entirely a lie. "You obviously are. Why?"
Clark sighs. Lex settles back into the couch and closes his eyes. Sex seems very far away right now.
"Do you regret it? Being so exclusive."
He flips his eyes open. And stares at Clark. "No. It sounds like you are though."
"I'm not." Clark frowns. "I saw you flirting."
"It's a bar, Clark. People do that."
"Did you want to take her home?"
He's not sure why he decides to be honest. "I would have once upon a time."
"But not now?"
"I'm with you," Lex says, like there is no other consideration. There isn't.
"Am I holding you back?"
If he were less tired, less drunk, Lex might have heard the fear behind those words. But now it just makes him react in instinct.
"Am I holding you back?"
"Of course not." Clark rolls his eyes, as though what Lex is suggesting is stupid, but Lex doesn't believe him.
"I am, aren't I? It's your first year of college. You've got what, endless amounts of freshman girls and boys around you. Tell me you don't think about it. About what it'd be like, if just for one day, you weren't dating Lex Luthor. If you weren't stuck."
"Shut up, Lex."
Clark's angry. Lex should back off. He doesn't though. It's something he'll regret in the morning, but for now, he pushes.
"You don't think about it when you've got Ethan brushing against you?"
Clark flinches. "You're drunk. You need to go to bed."
"Tell me you don't think about it."
"Thinking's not the same."
Lex swallows. "Unless it's me thinking, apparently."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing." He swings to his feet. His head is pounding and he can feel Clark's eyes bore into his back as he walks towards his bedroom. "Go home, Clark."
"What?"
"Go home. You don't have to be stuck anymore."
Clark rises. "Lex, you're being an ass."
He turns around. "Or maybe you just donŐt want to admit it's what you want."
"Fuck you."
Lex laughs mirthlessly. "Yeah. I think it's too late for that."
"You know what, maybe you're right. I should go home. I'm obviously not wanted here. I'll call you when you've regained your senses."
"Don't bother," Lex mumbles. He walks into the bedroom and collapses onto the bed. He hears Clark fumble outside the door for a second and he wants to turn around. Wants to apologize, and call Clark back, and then it's too late. The door slams and Clark leaves.
Lex lies in the bed alone. It feels foreign to him, and he hates it.
But maybe, he thinks, he should get used to it.
06/23/03